Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Chambers Drinks (but Numbers doesn't)

Week 3, Day 2

Pupillage is full of trials and tests. Some of them are simpler than others. The menial tasks that pupils tend to obsess about (me included) sometimes come as something of a relief as it is difficult to mess them up and cheering to be able to complete a task competently even if it isn't exactly what you went through law school to achieve.

Chambers drinks provides one such opportunity: each Friday members of chambers get together in chambers for drinks. One of the pupils is prevailed upon to go around chambers during the course of Friday to collect contributions from those members of chambers who plan to attend drinks, and then to take the kitty to the off licence to buy the booze. A simple task, one might think.

But failure lurks in the strangest of places for pupils. The office of chambers drinks-wallah fell last week to one of my fellow pupils who has until now appeared to be omnicompetent - even, thanks to a mind-numbingly dull career in the City, in the mysteries of accounting - let's call him Numbers.

Well, it turns out that Numbers has a weak spot when it comes to carrying out his bar-tending duties, for Numbers is teetotal and exhibited a complete lack of familiarity with barristers' need for a few glasses of good red wine to send them on their merry way back to their families for a weekend of domestic drudgery.

Now I am guessing that, since I saw my PM contribute a tenner to the pot when Numbers came for the whip-around, that represented the "going rate", and since a dozen members of chambers turned up to drinks, he had a budget of at least 120. On the table stood 3 bottles of cheap warm sweet white wine. The bottles even had screw caps. They must have cost the best part of, oooh, a tenner between them. Which left Numbers with another 110 to play with - and being an honest soul he spent the lot.

So around the three rather sad bottles of wine was a multitude of gaudy cans of fizzy pop (not champagne) and bowls of crisps, biscuits - even those "iced midget gems". There was something of the feel of a children's party. Never had so much pop been ordered, and not only cokes but all sorts of exotic and sickly concoctions. Members of chambers were truly baffled. One of the silks, who looked particularly forlorn once the wine ran out, methodically scoured the labels of all of the fizzy drinks in the hope of finding some alcopops.

I had more bounce in my step than I had managed for the previous fortnight when I headed to the tube after drinks, with the delightfully warm glow of schadenfreude. I know that it is not noble to revel in Numbers' cock-up, and I really did feel for him, but I feel that having scored so many own goals myself it was about time my luck changed, and that I was right to enjoy the moment, as soon enough I would be putting my foot in it again.

21 comments:

on the clapham omnibus said...

Good god, a teetotaller in the City? No wonder he didn't stick to that career.

I guess he had no need to hire a clown to give it that final children's party touch, seeing as he had already assumed that role himself...

Anonymous said...

I must admit to feeling rather sorry for poor old Numbers,since he seems to be both a bit naive and touchingly rather unsophisitcated( again, somewhat surprising for a city type)... if he didn't last ten minutes in the city, he won't last 30 SECONDS at the Bar.....

Anonymous said...

You are no different but you get the impresssion from reading legal blogs that barristers are just plain nasty - silly, venal, petty and just plain ridiculous.
The celebration of your triumph over "numbers" - did you go home and kick the cat because you felt the need for another assertion of your one-upmanship?
I hope the cat peed up your leg. It was probably doing it out of affection.

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